I'll probably always think that 17yearolds are really old. I think because I can very distinctly remember what it was like when they really were old.

I always forget that I'm actually 18.

I could write and write and write forever. Really. That's all I've been doing since late last night and all throughout today. Writing in my paper journal, in my LJ, working on my research paper. Write, write, write. I love writing. "To write is to think twice." I don't care that I'm horrible at it or that no one will read the things that I write, I love doing it. It makes me feel alive, it awakens something within me. It is so incredibly freeing.

I want to write on how much I love my life and the people in it. I feel that it's an important thing for you to know and for me to be aware of. It's really a defining thing about me, how much I truly do appropriate people. HOLY SHIT DO I LOVE PEOPLE. People are the coolest, don't you know.



I want to reread the Harry Potter books. I'm almost constantly thinking about how badly I want to reread the Harry Potter books. Those and the Black Jewels Trilogy. That's my mission while I'm in Florida, rereading the entire Black Jewels Trilogy. I had a dream last night that I did it pretty damn fast. I was uber proud of myself. Then I woke up and realized I had to write this paper.

V.S. Naipaul was a pretty bright guy. I really do like a lot of his ideas;
"The trouble with our principles is that they are a part of our self-esteem. We dare not deny them. To preserve them we will deny what we see."

I like it. I definitely see many elements of truth to it. I'm really kind of jumpy right now. And I think maybe a little hungry. I should go eat. Wow I am easily distracted. Love me anyway?

I miss high school.
I miss the way everything glowed.
I miss the lessons that I learned,
I want to learn them again.


I miss blissfully loving you.

I REALLY DON'T WANT TO DO THIS PAPER.
LIKE REALLY.

MY BIG THING WAS; OOH LOOK AT ME I HAVE FOUR PAPERS TO WRITE THIS WEEK AND THEN I GET TO GO TO YOUMACON.


WELL, I HAVE TWO DOWN.
BUT TWO MORE TO GO. AND ONE DAY LEFT.
AISDJOIAJSDIIOASOIDIOASD.

I. MUST. DOOOOO. IT.



OINGO BOINGO MAKES ME SO HAPPY.
♫ WHO DO YOU WANT TO BE, WHO DO YOU WANT TO BEEEEEE. ♫



FUCKIN A YOUMACON IS TOMORROW.
I MAYE EXPLODE BEFORE THEN.

FUUUUUUUUUU-.

ALRIGHT. I SHOULD KNOCK THIS PAPER OUUUUT. GO RACHAEL GO GO GO.

BTW, I'M SANE I SWEAR. LIKE, REALLY REAL SANE. I'M NOT JOKING. I'M SRS.
SANITY, I HAS IT.



...MAYBE.

I fail at starting my homework.


Instead I get out of bed, grab a bowl of CAPTAIN CRUNCH. And tell myself that I can only eat cereal while I'm watching something.


So I continue my watch of Digimon Adventure 01.
AND ZOMIGOD GUESS WHAT.

Tokyo Story Arc, commence! SCORE.
I'm at my favorite Digimon story arc.
It's basically better than anything ever.


Character development makes leaps and bounds, the emotional investment is upped, the intensity is upped, the animation has even become clearer, crisper. It's just. too. beautiful.


I took a shower and attempted to calm myself down.
BUT DIGIMON IS STILL ALL THAT I CAN THINK ABOUT.
asdiaojisdjioads. asidojaoisd !!!

Do waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaant.




Btw, ODAIBA. I never noticed, but they all live in ODAIBA. (Well, of course I never noticed, I was 8 and had no idea what Odaiba was.) BUT! aoisdoijas. I could see the ferris wheel from Pallet Town. And that big skeletal looking building that's just about the most impressive thing I've ever seen, I KNEW THE NAME OF IT AND IT'S PURPOSE AT ONE POINT BUT IT HAS BEEN FORGOTTEN. And a train stop that I have a very distinct memory of riding through. All of these things from my life a few months ago, in an anime made over 10 years ago. Magick~*~*



I want to be 10 years old again and LARP Digimon with Rebecca and Seth in Seth's front yard. Rebecca was always (Hi)kari, I was always Angemon, and Seth was Devimon. Is it kind of sad that this sort of thing continued until they were 8, and I was 12? I was in 7th grade. LARPing Digimon. I think maybe growing up hit me just a little bit late.


Anyway, Japanese homework. Self, you're learning this so that when you go back to Odaiba you can speak it and pretend to be in Digimon once again. SO GO DO YOUR HOMEWORK.

I feel nervous. I can't eat because I feel nervous. Or maybe because this pizza really is kind of gross. I can't handle so much cheese, it's too intense.


But I don't know why I feel nervous.

I'm posting here a lot because I've recently actually made a ton of friends on LJ (via HSM fandom, and South Park Slash -DONT ASK-) and want to avoid clogging up my entries with useless rambly nonsense. I'm writing right now because I'm bored. I don't want to write in my LJ because I'm bored, it means more to me that that. (yes blogger, LJ means more to me than you, suck it up)

Anyway.

I read an amazing book last night. "Many Lives, Many Masters." It was beautiful. It's the true story of a psychiatrist and his patient, and it will change your life. I'm not shitting you in the slightest. Breana if you happen to be reading this (which I know you will be, you're the only one who does), you're reading this book. Like, now. Get to the library today. And read it.


I'm suddenly too tired to continue this entry.
In other news: my Sho cosplay is done. The World Ends With You, fandomy cosplay madness, commence!

Tell the Truth, Tell the Truth, Tell the Truth

I'm overly emotional.
I'm irrational.
I'm impulsive.
I am easily wounded.
Sometimes, I'm a wreck.
Sometimes, I'm unstable.
I trust trust trust trust. Until it breaks me.
I am horrible at saying goodbye.
I don't cope well with emotional loss. Or distance.
The loss of a friend, the loss of a lover.

But you know what?
I love my life. I live it passionately and I am so very fortunate.

I will never hold back. I may feel too much, but my life is the greatest adventure.

It's stuffy in my room. Why is it so stuffy? It shouldn't be so stuffy.

I'm sick. Cold-sick. Cough-sick. Headache-sleepdeprived-sick.
So everything feels warm to me. Except outside, which smells good.

It rains so much here, I'm worried that I'll get tired of the rain. Oh, but Lake Michigan looks so beautiful from my window when there's a thick coat of mist above it. And the leaves here, oh God the leaves. I have never seen more beautiful leaves.

Something was making crinkly noises under my bed last night. It sounded like someone crumpling magazine paper into small balls. It would go for about three seconds, stop for a minute or two, happen again for 6, stop for 30 seconds, happen for just a second, stop for two minutes, etc, etc. I'm hoping I was just tired-sick-delusional and it was just the rain hitting my window.


I've taken so many vitamins. And cold medicine supplements. I CANNOT MISS TONIGHT. Tonight is Geek 'Till Dawn. 200 CDM students are locking themselves in the game development building tonight(meaning; LAN center, video game center, movie theaters, the like). Doug and I are both sick, we're probably going to get ourselves matching medical masks. It'll be cute. (provided I don't have to take it off to blow my nose every five seconds.) Mmm... pizza, doughnuts, raffles, silent auction, anime, games games games.


I should try to sleep before then. See if I can get healthier.

I'm pretty damn exhausted.
Laura and I were up until 7:30 this morning talking.
Well, that and ghost hunting.
Epic shit happens at three in the morning.



Exhausted, exhausted.
And oddly obsessed with South Park of all things.
No Rachael, no. Nuuuuu!~

Good God I miss Breana Powell.

I wish I could go all fangirl on your ass. Right now right now.


But, I'm not.

I'm tired right now, exhausted. In a really beautiful way.
I've been experiencing such beautiful things.
But I'm more filled with what's to come than anything.
Something truly groundbreaking is about to happen to me.
I think I'm in the middle of it, right now.
Though, I'm not really sure.
My whole body is trying to tell me something.


I had one of the most amazing days of my life the other day. I was literally going on 3 hours of sleep. Nothing particularly fascinating happened. Not even mildly interesting, even. I was just... existing. But it was wonderful. World, it was such a beautiful day. It didn't happen again today, but today was still good. Awesome, even. I liked today. I'll like tomorrow. And the day after.

I'm looking forward to everything.


....except maybe the paper that I haven't written.

\(^o^)/

I LOVE THE INTERNET. Far too much.

And I now has Andrew's blogger and thus more incentive to write (or at least cross post) in this thing.

Blogspot. Tumblr. LJ. Twitter. Myspace. Facebook. Neopets. Blah, blah blah, blah blah. The internet rules my life, really.

I was just doing my Japanese homework and really wishing that I had my old Hirigana notebook. That thing was amazing. This one's pretty nice, but it doesn't have as much space for me to write things over and over again until I learn them. I'll probably just end up doing it in another notebook, whoop for drilling things into my head!

So, college is awesome. Like, really awesome. I've already found myself a great bunch of people. People who have fun the same way I do; by acting completely obnoxious while not under the influence of drugs or alcohol. Simply while under the influence of being a crazy fuck. YES I LOVE IT.


Feh, feh, I don't exactly feel like writing. That's about all that's important. Well, that and Katamari. YES KATAMARI OMIGOD.

~~(@_@)

Let me blog some more about how I never use this damned thing! 

I never use it. Damn.

/that was short lived.

ANYWAY. 

WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE EVERYTHING THAT I LOVE?! 

I just spent a week in Japan. CRAZY AS FUCK. I bought 60 dollars worth of porn and my Dad nearly walked in on me reading it yesterday. I don't even know why I'm writing in this thing. I'm tired and no one reads this. COLLEGE IS SOON. 

Also, Allison and Taylor were in nonstop let's-tease-Rachael-mode today. It was actually really hilarious. Don't tell anyone, but I actually really like it when people tease me. It makes me giggle, like small child. GIGGLE LIKE SMALL CHILD. (I'm in a cracker mood.)

Taylor also said the funniest thing today regarding Thorne; "Is Thorne is real name? Like, really? His parents must be really awesome; I am going to name my son Thorne! And my daughter Prickle!" 

SHUDDUP ITS FUNNY IF YOU KNOW BOTH OF THEM. 

I have this uncanny habit of meeting the most fantastic people. 

LIKE TRAVIS. Ah nobody tell Travis, but I'm obsessed with him. IN A PLATONIC WAY I SWEAR.  I love many people on this earth, I love them to the end of existence and back. BUT, if I had one person to be stranded on a deserted island with for the rest of my life, it would be Travis. Just because he is so goddamn interesting to listen to. He starts talking and you're just like *WOOSH NEVER STOP SPEAKING PLZ*

and and and, I like Gode Geass. a lot a lot. Somebody make it stop. AIOSDJIOJASD!!!! 

You do that Suzaku, you do that. 

LELOUCH CRACKS ME UP. 

This is just the series I needed. It's terrible and filled with so much meant-to-be-fanservice, but goodness I love it. I mean the show has hot girls of every type (OMG KALLEN YOU ARE FANTASTIC PLEASE MARRY ME) and pretty slashable boys. It was definitely made with the intent of "Oh, the kids are going to have fun with this fandom." And we do. All over the fucking place. SHUT UP FANERVICE IS MY GUILTY PLEASURE.

This entry is filled with crack. CRACKCRACKCRACK.

OH AND PASH= greatest word in existence. It basically means snog, but it's aussie. Pashpashpash. 

Laura and I were freaking our about College last night. WE SIGNED UP FOR THE SAME ORIENTATION. Why do we share the same brain!? Anyway, I'm pretty much jealous that she gets to go to summer school. I mean, she gets to get used to the campus and meet a ton of people. She's got a jump start on all of this fantastical business. WHY DONT I HAVE THAT D:

laa laaa laaaaaa <3

I love ze wooooorld. I'M SANE I SWEAR. 

Ps- who reads this??? I do apologize. o_0

"I do not understand such difficult Japanese"

Breanaaaa. You are the only reason I joined this site and you never use it.

Shame on you, shame on you. Get an LJ.


Ah yes, and world, whoever you may be; All goes well in dorkville. I'm going to college soon and my family might very well be moving to New Hampshire. I've also been really good about watching my netflix right away and making arts and crafts.

I finished watching Lucky Star today, and what do I have to say about it? FANSERVICE. Unnecessary amounts of fanservice. To be quite honest, I really didn't like the show for a good while. I was in the whole "I need to finish so I can say I finished it" mentality. That is, until the fanservice turned over to the gay side. Yutaka and Minami? Ohmygoodnessadorable. I don't remember their fangirly friends name, but she was adorable for always fantasizing about them. "I should not think of my friends this way!" Oh, but it was so cute! I will always have a huge soft spot in my heart for that girl who's name I can't remember. Like we all don't end up writing slash about our friends falling in love with each other? Psh! Patricia was also completely adorable, "I don't understand such difficult Japanese!" "Shut up! You're completely fluent!" The epitome of the annoying American otaku, how I loved it. But anyway, the anime was cute. I kind of miss it now, actually. Possibly a lot. After the 18th episode or so I finally realized why it was so popular. Lucky Star was good in it's own perverse yet adorable, spastic yet slightly boring kind of way. It was just weird. I suppose I recommend it, depending on who you are. It pretty much appeals to two catagories of people: fangirls/fanboys and lolicon.

...Yup, no wonder it's so popular.

Role Playing

So, lately I've found myself involved in a new hobby: Role Playing.

And God, I fricken love it. It's like being 7 all over again!

My two mediums of choice; The Crowded Hour and World of Darkness.

The Crowded Hour website is here. And boy am I ever impressed with it. So much detail, seriously. I mean, I've seen mutli-fandom role playing games before but jesus, this one is the best. Every detail of it's universe is planned out. You know exactly where you are, when you're there, what it looks like, how it feels, what you have. It gives you everything you need to know to get out there and play your character with more fun and mystery than any LJ RPG I've ever seen. Your character is invited to this place with their greatest subconscious desires having been promised to them, and they come to it to find that it is nothing like what was promised. All that and everyone else is in the same (yet entirely different) boat. There are so many ways for plots to develop other than just character relationships. And might I add that the players are just stunning? Everyone is so talented and has a great understanding of their character. I'm proud to say that I RP Willow (from BtVS, of course) and I've quickly become friends with Valen, who RPs a resurrected Tara (who remembers nothing of her real human life) and stole my SN from the character/player list on the website. We're both quite excited for the angst and emotionalnessness that shall come. GOD I LOVE IT. It's a challenge for me to write, seeing as this is my first time doing it. But it's already helping me so much. It's a creative outlet that I am much in need of.


World of Darkness is just fucking fun. It definitely lacks the artful side that Crowded Hour has, but it's full of much shits and giggles. It is also possibly the nerdiest thing I have ever done (WoD= an updated/awesomer D&D). Katie, John, Daniel, and Myself play every Tuesday night at Game Empire. We decided upon Changeling: The Lost, because well, faeries are fun and so is madness- and Changeling has both! We're basically all creatures who were once humans that were ripped from the human world and taken behind "the hedge" to the land of the fae, where we were tortured both mentally and physically. And now we're escaping. I'm a naked forest nymph, Katie's a siren with broken wings, and John's a bogeyman with really cool clothes and awesomely expressive eyes. It. Is. So. Cool.


Role Playing is a great exercise for my brain. And it makes my soul happy,
Rachael.

Stellar Arcana

AAAHahahahahahaha.

www.stellararcana.com

Oh gooness,
Rachael.

D:

I never have anything interesting to write about waaaaaaaaaaaah!

I'm not a boring person, I swear. I'm just bad at this whole blogging thing. I'm good at journaling, but ask me to blog? Lamesauce! Badness! Sadface!


Avatar is filled with plot holes.
/story,
Rachael.

The Uncomfortable Truths Well

Now that the uncomfortable truth has been spoken, I cannot stop dwelling over it.

WHY ARE THERE NO ASIANS!?


Why is Randall Munroe so brilliant?,
Rachael.

Oh Rachael....

Holly: I've had pink eye twice!
Me: . . . GAH! GET IT OUT OF MY BRAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Holly: . . .?!
Kate: I think you just invoked a lyrical reference.
Me: ...Anything. Everything. I cannot stop thinking about Buffy.
Holly: ....hamburger.
Kate and I, simultaneously: DOUBLE-MEAT PALACE!


Hey, I've died twice,
Rachael.

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei

Glorious day was glorious. Which is unusual, because generally when I stay home because I feel like shit I end up feeling like well, shit. Not today. :) I went to the doctor and got some nasal spray (godsend) and now feel so much better I could dance, or perhaps blog. But enough about me, let's talk about anime! (or rather, what I think about it- so really, we're still talking about me.)

Sayonara Zetsubou Sensei, what a trip. As I told Ella earlier, it's like Azumanga Daioh if it were deeper. (Though, I'm sure if I rewatched Azumanga Daioh as the mature [yeah right] person that I am now, I would catch on to a lot more metaphors.) Much of the humor is very similar to your typical slice of life anime, Azumanga, Lucky Star, etc. However, it's quite layered and full of wonderful metaphorical goodness. The first thing I learned about Zetsubou Sensei, upon wikipedia exploration, was that it's an 'existentialist' anime. Existentialism being a philosophy that emphasizes the uniqueness and isolation of the individual experience in a hostile or indifferent universe, regards human existence as unexplainable, and stresses freedom of choice and responsibility for the consequences of one's acts (answers.com). Okay, I extremely dislike that rather wordy definition. Basically, existentialism is a way of thinking that explores our purpose (or lack of purpose) as human beings, human free will, and the human condition (me). Many of the classic existentialist works, Waiting for Godot, or my personal favorite Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead ♥, tend to lack in the sense department. They don't have a concrete direction, and their purpose is never clear nor fulfilled. The same is true for Zetsubou Sensei. It reveals a lot of truth through not making any sense. Though I understand the concept of existentialism, it still took me a while to catch on to the show. I wanted concrete characters and character development, what I got was confusion and punchlines. You cannot go into this show expecting it to make sense or have some sort of linear plot, you're in for something entirely different. Being a mere 12 episodes, once I was finally able to understand how the show worked, it was over. (Luckily for us, there's another series. Which I am excited to be watching next!) Overall, it was friggen worth it. Bizarre, hilarious, and metaphorical- I loved it. Oh, and the music was pretty good too. When the soundtrack is awesome, it makes me love the anime just a little bit more.

Character development: 2/5. Storyline: 0/5. Originality: 4/5. Overall: 4/5.
That's just the way existentialism works. Makes no sense, but stands amazing regardless.

In my book, any show that can use the following words to express a truth about humanity wins:

"It's obviously a wig, but it's so obvious that you wonder if it's actually his hair!"


Yes, watch it,
Rachael.

teehee

Regarding the Spuffy sex scenes;

“The way it works? Sarah was fully clothed again and she got to sit back and laugh at James and his little sock.......big sock, damn!"- James

I. Love. James. MARSTERS.,
Rachael.

Shipping makes me happy!

I could save us all a lot of trouble, but unfortunately- this button does not exist on my keyboard. I'm shipping a het pairing. Hardcore. God, Spuffy is just, GOD. I don't know why I was never into this pairing, two years I went without it! Well, I have discovered the Spike/Buffy greatness. Better late than never, right? I was daydreaming about Sike and Buffy all during work today. So beautiful, so wonderful, so goddamn sexy. This only happens with Riku/Sora! Look, Rachael is broadening her horizons! "Just hold me." *sigh* . . . *drool* . . . *sigh* Such a gorgeous moment. All consuming, passionate, obsessive greatness.





GAAAH SPUFFY- AMAZEMENT,

Rachael.

Buffy, Season Six Panel, 2002

I'm watching a Buffy panel from a con in 2002, after the season six finale had premiered. I was planning on making a post about it after watching, but dear lord, too much brilliance for me to miss! First of all, Nick Brendon is, just wow. James Marsters is, just wow. God, everyone, everything. Okay Rachael, we get it, you're amazed. Now quote time!


They were discussing how every season up until season six has had a metaphor for sex, but season six really hits you over the head with it. Which is extraordinarily true. Willow and Tara's "spells", Angel's "one moment of true happiness", etc. Season six is like; KABLAM! Deliciously explicit Spuffy sex. ("Plus, we like the pornies!"- Marti xD) Season six truly is about a loss of innocence, through death, through responsibilities, through mistakes, through sex. Sex is such an incredibly profound thing and I think, though they did not discuss it in the panel, that a huge part of Spike and Buffy's relationship is to show that sex is also used as an escape- and that doesn't have to be a bad thing. It isn't always true love, it isn't always sweet and romantic, it can be passionate and all consuming- but for completely different reasons.

(straying off topic for just a bit, but it all makes sense- I swear.) Today Ella, Kiley, and I were discussing how the concept of virginity is almost an invention, really. I mean, in a heterosexual relationship it is rather clear when sex occurs and when it doesn't. Very concrete, not a whole lot of talking yourself out of not losing your virginity once you've you knowed. But, with lesbians the entire concept of virginity becomes a vague thought that really, almost doesn't exist. When there isn't a penis involved, where does virginity exist and where does it not? Cearly, there are different levels of intimacy two people can share in a relationship, but where is the line drawn? And why does it need to be drawn? As long as we share what we are comfortable with sharing with one another, where is the wrong? What defines a loss of innocence, really? I think the entire idea of virginity will always be vague for me, I prefer not to read too much into it. In some ways, it's unfair that heterosexual's have a concrete border to cross. But, in other ways, I'm very lucky- my intimacy cannot be labeled. I must say, I do prefer remaining unlabeled.

"It wasn't metaphoric, the sex they were having- but what it was doing to them was sort of metaphoric."- Marti Noxon

Sex is an expression of something greater. As I said before, metaphors were used up until season six- where it became blatant. Rather than being "oooh this is about sex" it becomes "oooh, the sex is about this." What was really frustrating for me in season six was the way that Buffy treated Spike, used him as a 'convenience', an outlet. In the episode "Gone" Buffy has her first feeling of wanting to stay alive after having been brought back to life and torn out of heaven. Now, this is also the episode in which she has sex with Spike without walls, without denial, without fear or self-imposed disgust- for the first time. And afterwards she has what she calls a "giddy spell". She becomes ridiculously happy, and experiences fear for the first time since being raised from the dead when she learns that she's at risk. I argue that it's because of teh smex! It made her feel, it made her happy. The expression of love, though it was not with a human being, was showing her how to be human again.

I've become a crazed Spuffy fangirl, so of course Buffy justifying her relationship with Spike the way that she did really pissed me off. It was that she couldn't admit to herself that it was more than just her 'using him'. First off, Spike with Buffy was about love, as he reminded her many times. However, Buffy with Spike was about feeling. It wasn't Buffy expressing love for Spike, but it was about the way Spike made her feel- which, without question, in my view stands as a form of love. Of course, depressive postmortem Buffy has to convince herself that because she's only doing it so that she can feel again, that she's using him as a sexual object. I hate to put some Leonard Cohen is this Joss Whedon but (Who am I kidding? I'm delighted to!):

"Do not say the moment was imagined;
Do not stoop to strategies like this.
As someone long prepared for the occasion;
In full command of every plan you wrecked –
Do not choose a coward’s explanation
that hides behind the cause and the effect."

Buffy likes to pretend the moments were 'imagined', that what she felt was not true feeling- but rather purely lust. She's a bloody coward! She can't handle her feelings, so she denies them. (Sad thing is, these feelings are the first she's able to feel after returning from heaven- and by denying them she's only digger herself into a deeper hole.) I know that I've been there, most people either have or will. Which is another reason the complexity of the Spuffy situation is so amazing. It hits people hard, because it's real. Slayer to a Vampire. Man to a woman. Woman to a woman. Man to a man. Regardless, it's humanity. It's love, it's lust, it's what it does. Joss Whedon and Marti Noxon are incredibly gifted in touching humanity through their characters, it hits the viewers over the head. It isn't real, but it is. On so many levels.


Guess what??? Speaking of connecting with humanity through their characters: Segwaaaaaaay!


"What's really cool though is that we're sitting here talking about all the main characters that have been with us the whole time and what's going on with them. We're not talking about the super monster this year, you know this is not a show that's devolved into a 'new cool monster' every year, this is a show that's used the monsters as kind of window dressing a metaphor to explore the people. And I think that that's why it's sustained and become interesting to the point of being dangerous last year." -James

OH. MY. GOD. Thank you James for summing up my life and all of my obsessions in a few simple sentences. It's never about the monsters for me. Sure, they're cool. Fine, whatever. But as I've always told people (before I was into actually listening to what the writers and producers had to say, reading and watching interviews and such) every season's monster alludes to some part of humanity. This becomes much more blatant as the show goes on, but it's there, every year, it's there. I could never enjoy a show, or a book, if it were not character driven. I'm a 100% character driven person. Write me a book about four strangers trapped in a room with no outside interference whatsoever, only one another's emotions- and I'll love it. For me it's never about the external conflicts, the apocalypse, the situations characters are forced into. It's how the characters, the people, respond and how they develop. That's where we find humanity. That's where we find ourselves.

"Yes, that's right, it wasn't too depressing- it was too interesting! And maybe it was a little bit above everybody's heads! Maybe I'm a great artist! No, but, I agree with you, I just want to talk about me!"- Joss (in response to the James quote from above, and yes, there was quite blatant sarcasm in there.)

1st off- Joss is such a narcissist, it makes me love him that much more. Good God, how I adore narcissists. (Earlier: "I watched that episode a thousand times....because I'm an incredible narcissist."-Joss)
2nd off- Yes, season six was depressing as fuck. But, as they said in the panel, they had never planned to go in that direction. They wanted to touch on loss of innocence, on going out into the world unprotected. But things became complex- for each of the characters, not just one or a few. This lead to sad and dark things, but also incredibly interesting things. Joss and Marti received quite a bit of bitching mail and there was a huge outcry on the internet regarding how dark the series had gotten. People weren't willing to look past the dark twists that the season had taken in order to see the levels of the complexity of the human condition that were revealed to the audience. All they saw was "Everyone sad. Me no like." (Yes, I am calling those people idiots- I feel no guilt in doing so, having been there myself two years ago.)


(Regarding Willow's fillet o' Warren)"I was eating Chinese food when I watched it....now I don't eat Chinese food anymore."
-Nick Brendan, being amazing.

(After a joke which no one laughed at) "That was funny, by the way."
-Nick Brendan, being AMAZING.


Also, I find it rather ironically hilarious that Michelle Trachtenberg asks Joss that Dawn be done with whining after two seasons of it- and is actually realistically hopeful for it. Little does she know that the whining will only worsen, hohoho. I must say, I was in the same boat as her though, thought she could whine no more, thought that song had been sung. Sadness that the whining reaches it's peek in the season 8 comics >_> (Joss's rather appropriate response was, "She will move from whining to moping...!")

"Amber Benson...Couldn't she of just been wounded?"- Panel Host Lady
"Oh she was, just mortally!"- Nick! ♥
"No, she's dead. It's sad... I hope. Cause if people were laughing we failed big time!"-Joss

Let me say, I love that Tara dies. Now, let me also say, Tara was one of my favorite characters, really, truly. Awkward, funny, developed into an incredibly strong person, and gay. But, one of my hugest ticks in shows is when nobody actually dies. I hate it. When people come close to death through battles or what have you, but oh my goodness some how manage to escape it but just barely! : o

No, I hate it. Hate it. Hate it. Hate it. It's the reason I stopped watching the Bleach anime and stopped reading the manga. No one ever actually dies! There's always the close encounter with death, but it never effing happens! Joss Whedon is that real everyone, he's that amazing- he actually killed a wounded character. (And again proves his amazing sense of reality in the season seven finale)

Plus, that death scene and the scenes following, we so unbelievably incredible. Alyson Hannigan is, in my opinion, the most talented actress on the show. I cry, you cry, we all cry. I hate Warren, you hate Warren, we all hate Warren.

I'll let Nick explain this one to ya:
"My wife and I watched that, and it was really amazing for us 'cause I've been watching the show for six years now, ya know, and I get blown away each year. But when she got shot, and Willow got sprayed and Amber said "There's something on your shirt." No joke, bro, I mean like, we were balling. And-and not only were you balling because that person just died, but just the way that it was dealt with was so oh, you have something on your shirt and then...just, Aly did a fantastic job in that scene, and yes- you can applaud. But, with the amazing acting in that scene and just with how it was orchestrated with the writing, it blew me away."

(Nick was shaking as he said all of that.)

Again, that's what this does to you. This show makes you feel. Joss, and the entire cast and crew, are that incredible. The death of the one character we didn't quite understand at first, we didn't quite accept, hits the hardest.


Alright, I seem to be done with this rather casual and personally involved Buffy discussion,
Rachael.

Eh?

You Speak Canadian Slang

Canadian Slang: 50% Prison Slang: 50% British Slang: 25% Aussie Slang: 0% New England Slang: 0% Southern Slang: 0%

What Slanguage Do You Speak?

Dollhouse Episode 4: Gray Hour

Midwife-Echo: She's got linebacker shoulders.
The Dad: She's going to be a lesbian!?
(had to paraphrase that one)



"This is West Hollywood, two guys in an idling car isn't news."



------------------

Oh, Joss Whedon, where would I be without your bizarre fixation with gays? Well, lesbians mostly.

Dollhouse is in fact getting better. Though, it is still lacking in the character department, as expected. So far, Topher remains the only concrete character that I love and appreciate, and am also creeped out by. But, progress is occurring- it isn't just one unrelated storyline after another. Joss is setting up something that could either dazzle or disappoint. Also, Eliza's acting is nowhere near as good as I had been hoping for. Sad day.

Oh, but back to lesbians. I'm going to call some Sierra/Echo ness in our future. I look forward to it.


I'm going to go and rewatch some episodes of Dexter,
Rachael.

Watch this, it only gets better:

http://www.watchtheguild.com/


Felicia Day is so effing awesome, I can't get over it,
Rachael.

Nerd Job and Such

My new job is pretty damn win, I must say.

I feel an extreme need to reactivate my WoW account.


Leonard Cohen is coming out from his monkness and going on tour. I'm probably going to go see him with my parents. HOLY. EFFING. SHIT. LEONARD. FUCKING. COHEN. *gasm*

Goddamn, life is awesome,
Rachael.

Upcoming shows,

Electric Valentine
The Faint/Ladyton
Cobra/FOB/Metro Station/Bloodhound Gang/Ultraviolet Sound
No Doubt/The Sounds

Yesyesyes,
Rachael.

I love children, but not in a creepy way, I swear!

I'm your mom,
Rachael.

You are strange and off-putting, go now.

"I can just hear you in private 'I dislike that Anya

She's newly human and strangely literal!' "


I felt really butchy today after school, something about my outfit... I think. Also, I realize that I tend to spontaneously quote things that most people have never heard nor care about, and I realize it makes me seem like a crazy person. I think this is why I'm such good friends with the people that I'm such good friends with- they're crazy people too. They accept my craziness, I accept theirs. Oh, and there's also the whole matter of us being soul mates. I have no direction for any of thise. Damien Rice never ceases to touch my soul. I haven no direction for anything, really. All that I know is that I greatly enjoy socaially unnaccaptalbe people, neon colors, happy music, and loud, obnoxious, fun, things. It feels later than it really is. I am extremely incoherent, I should stop while I'm ahead. I should have stopped sentences ago, I should have never started! I'm so full of love, but you may never know. Open your arms, you may find me there. I'm moving forward, breathing, breathing, singing. (However off pitch my singing may be.) Sometimes I'm not sure if it's sexual or not, but it feels good. Regardless of what I say after that sentence, it's going to be awkward. I think there's somthing cool about the idea of a hermit. There's also something kind of cool behind the idea of Jesus. My world is built around love.

What I am to you is me,
Rachael.

Blogger!?

Sadly, yes. Another blog for Rachael. I blame Breana, and the fact that I'm way too into myself.



Feeling hungry after dinner,
Rachael